I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He better not be in your backpack
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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