hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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