You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
