I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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