So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Randomize
