i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
