kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
