so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
