good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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