he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
