oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
