Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
