So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
