Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
