Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
bring money and cleavage
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize