Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
