I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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