halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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