I wanna passion pit in your ass
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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