Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
