Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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