I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
