and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Randomize
