I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
