i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
