I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
