it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
