It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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