The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
