Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you will always have a special place in my vag
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
