youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
