My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
