So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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