____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
