i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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