My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
