Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
