he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
