Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
