You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
