And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
