Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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