My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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