Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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