You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
