I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
