Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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