i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
