after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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