I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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