How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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