I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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