I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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