Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
