On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
