I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I need a beard to bite.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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