your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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