he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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