am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
