I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
