So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize