i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
