its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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